If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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