My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
