Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
