why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
