Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
