a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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