i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
