I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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