So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my shit smells like andre
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
