drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
