I faked an abortion last night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
