I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
