Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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