Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
