i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
BRING THE BAGELS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
