my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
