hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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