my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
