dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
