I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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