i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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