theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
