It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
