someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
