Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
