toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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