You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
