So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
