I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
