no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
