I don't think brook has ever known best
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
