i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
