I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
