My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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