Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
