He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
