sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
