i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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