I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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