I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
