I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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