i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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