walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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