Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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