I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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