This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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