She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
