You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
