The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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