I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
