He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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