there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
