dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
