even my farts smell like vagina
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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