she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
