in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
