All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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