Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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